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The history of the world is full of men who rose to leadership, by sheer force of self-confidence, bravery and tenacity.
-Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) Preeminent leader of Indian nationalism.

Photo by Vijay Pandey
Have you found yourself riding on the emotional tidal wave when you stumbled upon an interesting idea for several days only to end up flirting with another idea that intrigued your mind with the touch of magic? What made you abandon the original idea as an after thought or a bad dream? Have you changed jobs or businesses often in the vain hope of striking the passion of you life? You are not alone.
It’s a contagious disease that has intoxicated the brightest amongst us. It’s a maelstrom in our own mind that can reduce our mighty ambition to a measly hallucination. It is the awesome power of our own mind working against us by throwing us into the whirling depths of watery self-doubt and self-sabotage to achieve a fraction of what we are born to achieve.
I’m ceaselessly amazed to witness the brightest people with the highest IQs living mediocre lives at best while those with an IQ of 75 achieve things beyond our wildest imagination. The secret lies in these two words — Self-Confidence.
If I have to think of a role model to prove the fallacy of IQ when it comes to human achievement, Forrest Gump leads the pack. He received the Congressional Medal of Honor, became the world ping-pong champion, got President Nixon impeached, built a national shrimping empire — made a fortune with his investment in Apple Computers, and, last but not least, taught Elvis how to dance!
How did Forrest Gump achieve these incredible feats with a mediocre IQ? He achieved these feats by his mastery of self-confidence — his yearning for the positive outcome and his ability to defy the failures by his willingness to persist and try harder.
Lesson # 1. Never allow imagination to hold you hostage.
My Momma always said, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” - Forrest Gump
We have to learn to visualize our success. When we embark upon an idea or a goal, we are told to constantly visualize the end result. It may have some truth, but it also can be our Achilles Heel. Obsessive visualization creates a phobic sense of self-defense. We tend to harbor a creature of our mind called “self-doubt.” Often we feel paralyzed by this overwhelming sense of defeat that derails our visualization wagon. Forrest Gump had an obvious edge. With his limited power of imagination, he was boundless in his pursuit to keep working at his skill in catching shrimp. When we bite every chocolate of opportunity that comes our way without thinking about its taste, we learn to immerse the best of our ability with boundless energy that knows no defeat. The universe takes care of its part by delivering success to reverberate the power of our self-confidence.
Lesson # 2. Never label the outcome.
When I had to go… you know… I went. — Forrest Gump
Often with our higher IQ, we tend to subvert our focus and attention by engaging in the mindless game called - “Analysis of paralysis” After all, our smartness has to rein in its power, even if that ends up stealing our passion. Forrest Gump had a distinct advantage. With the IQ unworthy to possess smartness, Forrest Gump could do what he loved to do without analyzing the finest details of his actions. His actions were dictated by his passion. Forrest Gump spent days learning how to catch shrimp. He caught boots and license plates instead of shrimp but that didn’t shake his determination. His endless pursuit eventually made him a fortune with his shrimp empire. Success comes to those who have an attitude to keep doing what they love and to do it long and hard enough.
Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.
– Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) British author.
Lesson # 3. Claim your confidence.
Now you wouldn’t believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind blows. — Forrest Gump
We all have a companion, which follows us more than our own shadow. The moment we wake up till going to bed, this companion chatters with our mind. It is more destructive than our worst foe by constantly dragging us into the pit of negativity. “I can’t do it!,”, “I’m never going to succeed!,”,” How am I going to pay my bills?,”, and so on. If we don’t believe in ourselves, who else will? If we constantly undermine ourselves with negative self-talk, soon it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Guard your mind with your strong suits or accomplishments when the influx of negative waves sweeps through your mind. Forrest Gump knew how to run, and he shamelessly bragged about it. We can double up our self confidence simply by reminding ourselves what we can do rather than throwing ourselves into a bull pit of self-pity.
Lesson # 4. Do something for others.
Jenny taught me how to climb. And I taught her how to dangle. — Forrest Gump
Obsessive thoughts of ego nurturing elevate your own imaginary woes to decimate your self confidence. When we focus on others, we develop thoughts of positivity and tranquility. Our positivity transcends our own woes and transforms our attitude to one filled with passion and self confidence. Another aspect of giving is receiving. As paradoxical as it sounds, by giving - we receive from others the act of kindness with interest. We are destined to climb the mountains of our life with an abundance of self-confidence if we help others while they are “dangling” from their own tree of life.
Lesson # 5. Always give your best effort.
“YES DRILL SERGEANT!”
– Forrest Gump’s response to sergeant’s claim that he had set a company record for assembling rifles.
The easiest way to crucify our self-confidence is by doing less than what we can. Most people don’t achieve greatness not because they are less smart or less intellectual than those who achieve greatness — they simply give less than the best of their untapped energy to whatever they pursue in life. Regardless of the fate of the outcome, the way you really feel about yourself matters most in life. When we are excited about our work and give it our best, everyone around us feels positive vibes from us. Our positive attitude generates new energy for all of those who work with us. Forrest Gump could have replied to the comment of the sergeant in a lackluster way with the gentle reply, “Yes Sir”. Instead, he chose to portray an abundance of positivity with his response. Try this form of attitude for several days in your personal and professional life and see for yourself the astounding results it produces.
Lesson # 6. Maintain your integrity.
I gotta save Bubba! — Forrest Gump
Integrity to our self-confidence is like what oxygen is to our survival. When we try to fool ourselves, we are depriving soul nourishment to our self-confidence. How can I stand tall if my act is so short? How can I dream big when my thoughts are spiraling down in the depths of self-pity? Our acts of benevolence come back to us in multiple ways by our giving to others. Forrest Gump made Bubba his partner posthumously and made sure to share the profit with his family when he built a successful Bubba Gump shrimp empire. He never forgot the fact that it was his friend Bubba who inspired him to go into the shrimp business.
Lesson # 7. Run to lead.
My momma always said you can tell a lot about a person by their shoes, where the go, where they’ve been. I’ve worn lots of shoes, I bet if I think about it real hard I can remember my first pair of shoes. — Forrest Gump
Running creates a wave of excitement within and around us. The natural act of running breeds a great sense of positivity in our attitude and the way we view our life. Even those who add a little pep in their walk feel a jolt of positive feelings by creating an impression that they are on an exciting journey — to learn and to achieve more in life. The Universe never fails to respond positively to these people. When Forrest Gump ran three times across the nation, he found loyal followers running behind him. Amazingly enough, when he stopped, they stopped to hear the words of wisdom from a guy with an IQ of 75.
Once we believe in ourselves, others will begin to believe in us. Once we place a high value on our self-confidence, others will surely bid our value even higher. When was the last time you felt proud of yourself? When was the last time you felt great about the fact that you are unique; that there was never anyone like you before and that there will never be anyone like you ever again?
Those who believe that they are exclusively in the right are generally those who achieve something.
– Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) British author.
Photo by Vividh Siddha
To Your Success,




Hi Shilpan,
Sometimes we are indeed the source of our own obstacles, aren’t we? I like the phrase from #2: analysis-paralysis. The mind can sometimes get in the way of letting the heart and soul direct us in the right path.
Al at 7P’s last blog post..Jump Right In!
Wow, excellent article, just gave it a digg for you. I like how you link it together with Forrest Gump quotes, it helps people relate to something and more importantly, something that can really benefit them.
Cheers,
Glen
Glen Allsopp’s last blog post..6 Things I’ve Learned, Travelling the World at 18
Shilpan, these are excellent lessons!!!! I really like #4,5 and 6, but they are all great. It would be very wise for each of us to ponder on these things to see how our lives match up. Thank you for sharing these with us.
Number 4 is so huge. It is only when we give of ourselves to others that we experience living.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Do You Want to be Great?
Interesting analysis on Forrest Gump. He showed us all how far believing in oneself can go.
If we don’t believe in ourself - we have lost before we have even tried.
Bamboo Forest’s last blog post..You are The Writer of Your Own Story
An interesting point, that debunks the myth of intelligence as a necessity to success.
I think of IQ as the processor in a computer. People with high IQ are blessed with a fast processor and is able to think, analyze and computate at higher speeds than average person.
But what is the processor processing?
Is it creating a nefarious maze of self-doubt? Scheming a perfect crime? Ways to short-rig the system for personal gain?
Just like you can run an inefficient software that does no good work on your computer, you can waste your IQ and never produce anything worthwhile in your life.
In fact, I’ve always theorized that too high of an IQ can act counter to boldness — which must apply to our dear Forrest. If you see too many choices, too many possibilities, you can get caught up analyzing feasibility or consequence of each fork. More things to cloud your mind and compromise your confidence. More voices that tell you that you’re not any good.
When Forrest had a good idea, he just dropped everything and did it. Without distraction. Because that’s all he saw, all he heard.
Intelligence is not all that it’s cracked up to be, apparently.
ari
Ari Koinuma’s last blog post..Indecisive? The Hidden Truth That Makes Deciding Easier
Great read! This is an interesting twist on self-help articles with Forrest Gump references!
Dugg!
Just wanted to add a little point:
Forrest Gump didn’t have much goals in life, but he reached and accomplished a lot in life because he participated/contributed and took actions. His actions wasn’t focused on being rich, famous or awarded. He simply move forward without fear (lack of confidence) and gave it his best.
I think to some degree he was confident and comfortable (a certain level of confidence) that no matter what lies ahead in the future, things will turn out OK, as long as you give it your best.
Hi Shilpan: Did you watch Forrest Gump over the weekend? You know, there’s a movie with Peter Sellers where he is a gardener with very low IQ (like Forrest Gump). A very wealthy woman hits him with her car and takes him to recover in her mansion, where he meets all sorts of prominent people. He responds to everyone with a smile and by nodding agreeably so, of course, everyone thinks he’s brilliant. When he talks it’s about gardening and the seasons, and everyone assumes it’s a metaphor that he’s a very learned and wise man. So I agree that it’s not always about IQ, sometimes simple people with simple pleasures and simple pursuits are the greatest successes.
Marelisa’s last blog post..Creating Your Dream Life: Practical Intuition
“Once we believe in ourselves, others will begin to believe in us. Once we place a high value on our self-confidence, others will surely bid our value even higher.”
This is SO, SO true. Thank you, Shilpan, for another inspiring article!
Vered’s last blog post..Powerful Men, Half-Naked Women (Best Shot Monday)
“Maintain Your Integrity” what an important value to have, if people make most of your decisions from a place of integrity we would live in such a different world today. All we can do is hope that people can pick up even one of the lessons listed above we will have more people operating with self confidence than fear.
Great post, thank you,
Forrest Gump always did his best. Unexpected, wonderful things happened to him because he followed his heart and authentic soul, even when his choices were not compatible with those of other people. He encourages us to listen to ourselves, trust and have faith in what we many not be equipped to explain in the moment. Self-understanding may or may not come, but instinct or intuition is a priceless thing when you listen.
Love, love, love #5 & #4… Always give your best effort and do something for others!
I’ve always been taught to “never settle for anything less than the best” which requires that you put forth your best effort day-in, day-out. And there’s nothing more rewarding than to help others along the way…
Shilpan, you’re really a people collector. I have read some of your articles and always see how you can take so many lessons from one’s life.
This is especially insightful for me as it relates with topic that I often stumble into, self-confidence.
Thanks for sharing the lessons!
Robert
Robert A. Henru’s last blog post..How I lose faith in blogging (and get it back again)
Interesting view of a favorite film. Forrest also exemplified something else you talk about. Simplicity.
Do your best, keep it simple. I would also say expect the best, but as #1 and #2 imply, stay open. Focus on a target but don’t be attached to the form it comes in. As the quote says “you never know what you’re gonna get”. But if you work consistently and confidently, it will come.
Davidya’s last blog post..Real Victory
“He achieved these feats by his mastery of self-confidence — his yearning for the positive outcome and his ability to defy the failures by his willingness to persist and try harder.”
Wow, that sums up pretty much everything - be confident, be positive, overcome failures, work hard and stay committed.
I love this article.
Avani-Mehta’s last blog post..Cheat Codes To Have A Happy Marriage
I think self-confidence is sometimes overrated, too. Some people just forget about themselves and focus on consistently doing the best they can. As I wrote in A Different Path to a Successful Life, “Hard work and competence is a winning combination.”
Can you do that without a lot of confidence? Sure. One of my favorite mottoes is “Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.” That doesn’t mean I don’t give it my best shot. It just means I focus on doing the best I can rather than worrying about how other people will judge the results.
Jean Browman–Transforming Stress’s last blog post..Training Our Inner Nut
Hi Jean
You may perhaps be talking about a different meaning of the word confidence. Without internal confidence, there is no competence. Not worrying about how others will judge is also confidence.
In a way, we could say confidence is an inner clarity. Lack of confidence is really not a lack but rather something extra. It is the mind second guessing, it is the addition of doubt, uncertainty, and thoughts of failure.
Confidence sometimes gets a bad rap from people who have big egos. They are confident, but they also have something extra, a load of me first. That’s not really confidence, its more ego. Or we could say it is a distortion of confidence.
Pure confidence is an honest and clean sense that does does not tread on others but simply has a clarity of vision and direction. A certainty. If you don’t have that, you either need to go deeper and get clear, or you need to dump the junk that is thwarting that clarity. Shilpan talks about this above.
You mention forgetting about yourself. Perhaps another way you could put that is forgetting about your monkey mind and just doing it. That displays an inner confidence that sees through your story. And that’s a good sign of personal growth.
Davidya’s last blog post..The openings
I love this article! It’s so great how you tie it into one of the most beautiful characters in film, Forrest Gump. So pure and good, living with a disability, but smarter and wiser than 10 men combined.
Thank you for sharing this.
Doc KC
I can honestly say that every time I say that movie I tear up a bit, (but like a man).
Anyway, I love this movie and I love these quotes. Thanks, for listing them for me .
K. P.’s last blog post..Improve How You Use Your Memory
Nice one Shilpan! One other thing I noticed about Forrest Gump is this innate TRUST that he had in all things positive - his mother’s words, his love for Jenny, his training in the army, Bubba’s dreams … he just followed his heart fully. Loved that movie.
Irene | Light Beckons’s last blog post..Ask Why
This would be more inspirational had it not been based on a fictional character.
One of favorite movies. I think I saw it about 10 times or so…
What I see in this movie is the simplicity of just doing what you like to do without one single thought of what others would think about it.
It’s an enlightened state…
Cheers
Thomas Herold
CEO Dream Manifesto
http://www.dreammanifesto.com
Thomas Herold’s last blog post..Are You Feeding Your Potential?
great read Shilpan. Lesson # 6 is the best one:maintaining integrity.
Ayesha Parveen’s last blog post..Beyond It All
“Lesson # 5. Always give your best effort.” is something my parents always told me and my siblings. They said it didn’t matter what we were doing, we should always give it our best. That was a lesson that has taken me far.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..NBOTW - Blogging - No Age Requirement
So very true Shilpan. I like how you made the comparison to Forrest Gump. That was an amazing movie; a great eye-opener.
Remember this from Nelson Mandela?
“We ask ourselves, ‘who am I to be so brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’ Actually, who are we not to be? You are a child of God: Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
Davina’s last blog post..260+3 Blog-to-Show — How Did You Choose?
梦想在于坚持,持之以恒
作者说的真不错!
homer’s last blog post..十八岁以下勿入happy tree friends系列短片
I still have fond memories of this movie.
Best movie of all time. I watch it on a regular basis and it still gets me every time.
JT
http://www.Ultimate-Anonymity.com
Thank you for the stimulating thoughts as well as the smile as you skillfully connected them to Forrest. Self-confidence is an essential characteristic for getting what we want in life. Wow that seems obvious once I look at what I wrote. But so many seem to lack it.
Tom Volkar / Delightful Work’s last blog post..What’s Really Possible?
Davidya,
Thanks for responding. You say “Without internal confidence there is no competence.” I agree with that, but I also notice you talk about confidence, not “self-confidence”. I’ve known plenty of people who think their abilities are much less than those of other people, but they believe in the power of work. It’s the work that leads to the competence, not one’s attitude towards oneself. Often people with low self-esteem do better than people with high self-esteem because they figure they have to work harder.
Again, thanks for responding…I love blogging when it leads to dialogs.
Jean Browman–Transforming Stress’s last blog post..Training Our Inner Nut
Every year I show Forest Gump to my students. If you were my student, I would give you an A for your Gump Analysis.
chris’s last blog post..I’m Back
@Davina
Actually, that was not Mandela that said that. I discovered this when I went to quote it. It was actually part of a quote from Maryanne Williamson. Details are here:
http://in2deep.wordpress.com/2008/05/08/the-famous-speech-never-given/
Davidya’s last blog post..The openings
Hi Jean
Good observation. Actually, I don’t use the term “self-confidence” as I don’t see confidence as arising from self. Inner certainty and clarity arises from a deeper connection to who we are. “self-confidence” is more ego driven and thus based on falseness - its one of the reasons big ego’s annoy people. (laughs)
You make a good point about work. In many ways, self-attitude can be a barrier to that inner clarity but in other ways, it is irrelevant. When we connect with who we are, our relationship with the ego becomes meaningless. It drops into some old story.
Davidya’s last blog post..The openings
Jean
Thanks for drawing that out. I think it’s worthy of a post (laughs)
Shilpan,
You write, “I’m ceaselessly amazed to witness the brightest people with the highest IQs living mediocre lives at best while those with an IQ of 75 achieve things beyond our wildest imagination. The secret lies in these two words — Self-Confidence.” Actually, some people have studied the matter. It turns out the secret isn’t self-confidence, it’s hard work. Often the brightest students expect to succeed because they’re so gifted. The slower students realize they’re going to have to work for what they want. And, of course, the gifted students who work hard often achieve spectacular results. So, the question for you all is, “What gets in the way of your working?
Jean Browman–Transforming Stress’s last blog post..Training Our Inner Nut
I like the thoughts here…
I believe that “higher IQ” individuals are more plagued by the “knowing-doing gap” than the “analysis paralysis” challenge.
Higher education, specifically masters programs, “teach” students to display their knowledge and even reward them with points for “participation;” however, there is little or no incentive to actually “do” anything.
In fact, this “knowing-doing gap” continues in the work place. CEO’s have great “knowledge” but they rely on able workers to “do” everything.
…and you are absolutely correct: Knowledge is power but it is not wisdom and it is certainly not a vehicle to happiness or well-being…
Thanks for the post…
Kent (The Financial Philosopher)
The Financial Philosopher’s last blog post..The ‘Experience-Stretching Hypothesis’
@Al - Yes, Our smartness can lead us to procrastinate with mindless analysis. The article relies on this truth that with more knowledge, we tend to engage in a battle of thoughts leading to a mediocre life.
@Glen - Thank you for the kind words. Forrest Gump has so much to teach to all of us.
@Jennifer - I agree with you on the need to do something for others to boost our self-confidence.
@Bamboo - I like your statement, “we have lost before we have even tried.” Well said.
@Ari - What a fabulous expression to relate boldness and IQ. I think it’s excellent.
@Krazd - Thank you so much for the kind words.
@Breian - Forrest Gump didn’t have many goals in life. Of course, he was a handicap by the world standard. What he accomplished proves the truth that it is not your smartness but rather your audacity to do what you love to do without any self-doubts.
@Mare - I have seen movie before. Forrest Gump is a hero in my mind.
@Vered - Thank you for the kind words.
@Tabs - Integrity is a core of our identity. Without an identity, we are doomed to fail.
- Shilpan
Careful, Shilpan
In your response to Tabs, you said “Integrity is a core of our identity. Without an identity, we are doomed to fail.”
Actually, fear is the core of our identity, that deep sub-conscious sense of “me” that drives the ego and emotional attachements. The sense of “Shilpan” as a separate entity is false, maintained only by the fear of it’s loss. It is even willing to sacrifice the body for its own continuance.
When we loose that limited sense if “me”, that’s when the doors of success blow off. That’s when we are completely unlimited.
As I observed in the pingback on #38 above, true confidence is rooted deep in being, in the unassailable rock within. That is the source of competence and integrity. Self-confidence, based on ego, is fragile and leaves us insecure.
It’s true that without integrity, we will fail. But be careful about tying that up in your sense of me. Thats just ego talkin’
@Davidya -
Wow! I’m blessed to have a friend of your stature to correct me and rightfully so. I’m learning from you the importance of getting out of the “me-centered” world. Forrest lived a successful life largely for the fact that he never attached ego to anything that he undertook. Well said David, as always!
Great article Shilpan i dont know what to say
This happen to me (not that often though) when I read or see something which left me thinking for hours and hours , I cant say anything about it even though I have millions of word to say it
I have been reading this article for last 45 min (in my feed reader). When I finished it reading for 3rd time, I finally hit the post link to say something about this post and your great writing. But now I don’t know what to say, I am sorry mate but I am short of words for this brilliant post
Sunil Pathak’s last blog post..How Do You Handle Comments On Your Blog
To add a little to Davidya’s point about confidence and ego. Individuals that are egotistical actually lack self-confidence. It’s just their self-defense mechanism that they use to protect themselves. They put on an act to get you to believe something that they don’t even feel. They are hoping that if they do get people to believe they are the best, maybe they will start believing it themselves or, at least, people will not find out that they are not that good, which is how they feel they are anyway. They hide their shame behind their overinflated egos.
Michelle,
That may be true sometimes, but some egotistical people do believe they’re better than other people.
Jean Browman–Transforming Stress’s last blog post..Training Our Inner Nut
Self confidence — that’s a big one all right. Self confidence is the permission you silently give yourself to act on your intelligence and potential.
Sometimes though, people with a very high IQ wind up living mediocre lives because their IQ gives them too many choices; too many avenues of excellence. Indecision stops them from taking any of them very far.
So self confidence paired with decisiveness — now that’s a winning combination.
I enjoyed this. Thanks
John
I’m not saying that egotistical don’t “believe” they are better from a certain standpoint, but subconsciously they do not believe it. That is why they put on the act. It’s not good to dismiss someone because you feel that they are egotistical. You need to find out why they feel that way. Most of the time it comes from having someone in their life belittling them or making them feel like they weren’t good enough. Then they try to overcompensate in self-destructive patterns.
Shilpan,
Excellant post, I loved it so much I read it through a few times and although I am sorry I am a few days late getting here, I am glad I had the chance to read such thought provoking comments.
I have a few highly intelligent people in my family tree and I have to say they have never rose above those who have had persistence, dedication, hard work and a solid focused goal in our family. Learning how to work for what you need in life can’t be underestimated.
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..A Lighthouse in the Storm
@Michelle -
I agree with you regarding the egotist people who out of their own fear, of lack of security and self-confidence, try to influence others with their self-serving set of rules. Their behavior is entirely fake and in fact they are in the deep valley of self-pity without any hope to rescue their own mind out of the despair. I know a person very well in this state who lives a fake life. Your observation resonates a great deal with this person and his life.
@Wendi - I’m glad to hear that you have witnessed in real life what I’ve discussed in this article — Higher IQ has no relationship with the self-confidence and achievement.
@Jean & Davidya - I respect both of you a great deal. Your conversation makes my article interesting and personally, it makes me feel humble that two great minds have been engaged in this life enriching exchange of ideas.
–Shilpan
Michelle and Shilpan,
Thanks for responding. I believe you’re correct that many egotistical people are putting on an act, but I think it’s too simplistic to say all are. People writing about dealing with difficult people distinguish between Know-It-Alls and Think-They-Know-It-Alls. You’re talking about the second kind. With them you have to be careful about bruising their egos. The first kind really are experts in their field and are great resources. The problem with dealing with them is keeping our own egos out of the way so we don’t feel inferior. I’ve known both varieties. For me the secret is to keep a sense of humor.
Shilpan,
Thanks for the kind words and for starting a great dialog.
Jean Browman–Transforming Stress’s last blog post..Training Our Inner Nut
While no expert in the field, I would have to say there are several styles here. There are the highly competent who are open, there are the highly competent who have used that to build a big ego (common in universities, like to defend the paradigm), there are the ones who’s ego has taken self-worth to remarkable heights for circumstantial reasons like wealth (those are the camel/eye of a needle ones), and there are those who are fragile, putting on an act. Of course there are also people who simply have big personalities but a reasonable ego. First impressions can be to label them egoic. High competence can add to that. I can think of a couple of teachers like that.
In other words, don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Jean makes a good suggestion. I’ve found that everyone has something to offer. Why else would they have shown up in your life? If you are reacting strongly to them, ask yourself what they are mirroring in you. Why else would they be pushing your buttons? Undue reaction always indicates something you are holding. If you can’t bring humor, you’re bringing your pain. {Perhaps it’s time to deal with it.
Davidya’s last blog post..Choice by Attention
@Shilpan - You hit the nail on the head there. I’ve seen it time and time again. It’s the fear that drives the ego, instead of a sense of self-confidence.
@Jean - Thanks for the comment. I still think you misinterpret what I mean by “they put on an act” because you think I mean they are doing it with full knowledge of what they are doing. Most of the time it is a subconscious act as a defense mechanism, meaning they do not even realize they are doing it. Narcissistic behavior is a complicated subject, but my point is that I have never met anyone that displayed egotistical tendencies, that didn’t have issues deep down with feeling inferior. It goes hand in hand.
@Davidya - I would argue that you are speaking about people with relatively the same problem that use different narcissistic tendencies to overcome them. I do agree that nobody should give up on them. It would be best to find out why these people are so fragile to criticism that they live with this fake facade. Psychology is my chosen field and I have actually studied this for quite some time. It’s called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
@ Michelle
hmmm - I would agree that these are variations on a theme, but to say they are all a personality disorder is to make ego a disease. For example, a strong belief system in a university prof may be a barrier to new ideas, but it is hardly a disorder. In my books, ego is a natural part of human growth and development, but something we should be outgrowing. How that plays out in any given personality varies widely. My point was simply to observe there is a wider range of possibilities than suggested.
Have you read “the Myth of Neurosis”? Due to its roots, there seems to be a tendency in Psychology to focus on what is wrong. This is a classic ego approach to life. Rather than seeing behaviour as variations on illness, it can be more useful to see them as variations on behaviour. Giving a label to a patients trauma tends to make the story more real rather than teaching them to let it go. Of course, this is just opinion, but I’ve seen it in action.
Davidya’s last blog post..Allowing vs Indulging
@Michelle again
In your feedback to Shilpan you said “fear that drives the ego” - exactly. Confidence, when its fairly free of trash, is an excellent driver of the personality. Ego is not so good because it is driven by fear. Adyashanti goes into this in some detail and I agree with his view. It is born out by many who have awakened. The ego or sense of separate person is a mental concept driven by a deeper, sub-conscious core fear. The nature of that fear varies by person but is expressed in their “shadow story” about their life. If may be a story of blame, of anger, or some related thing. But all rooted in sub-conscious fear. Most people are at most only vaguely aware of this story, yet it runs much of our lives and shows up in the ‘repeaters’, the same issues that show up in our lives over and over. Our blind spots. Perhaps in work, or in relationships, with money, or some blend. Some call this karma, but action is driven by inner roots.
As one awakes, there is a series of openings that take place that clear this. First the mind awakes and the ego idea falls away. Then the heart awakes and the emotional underpinning of that story is released. This is where a lot of energy has been burned in sustaining the drama. Finally, the root sense of identity that is driven by the core fears becomes conscious. And simply being seen, is released.
This is the inner process that mirrors some other things going on as we ‘wake up’ from the illusions of our life and uncover the inner peace and happiness behind the false story.
Davidya’s last blog post..Allowing vs Indulging
Great article. I particularly like the first lesson “Never allow imagination to hold you hostage” with the quote about the chocolates.
You focused on his boundless pursuit at catching shrimp.
I think that you could have taken the lesson a lot further.
He thoroughly tasted/faced what he found in life and exploited every opportunity: his success in the military, ping-pong, shrimping, etc. was not the result of a fixation on shrimp — it was the result of fully tasting and seeing what greeted him in life, uncolored by images of what had to be.
Fearless Dreams (Joel Gruber)’s last blog post..Why Do Relationships Wither and Die?
Michelle,
Whenever I start psychoanalyzing and/or judging other people I ask myself, “Where in my life am I doing this?” It’s a powerful question. I obviously agree with Davidya, if someone bothers us why not look at ourselves and learn something? We’re the only ones we can change. What do you think?
Jean Browman–Transforming Stress’s last blog post..Training Our Inner Nut
Simply wanted to tell you I ENJOYED A LOT reading it.
“Lesson # 4. Do something for others” in action.
Good stuff and thanks for doing it for others.
Alik | PracticeThis.com’s last blog post..Make Your Content Richer with FREE Music On Jamendo [Under Creative Commons License]
Hi Shilpan.
Thanks for pointing out my error on who made that quote. I’d always thought it was Nelson Mandela.
In hindsight, it doesn’t really matter who made the speech does it? They are very powerful words.
Davina’s last blog post..Look Ma, I Can Fly!
@Davina - Well, I don’t have foresight or depth of knowledge that my friend Daivdya has. He was the one who pointed out the fact. However, I agree with you wholeheartedly that the message is far more important for this journey of personal development than the messenger.
@Davina
You’re right. As Maryanne Williamson observed, this mistaken attribution has given it exposure it never would have had otherwise. Its from her book A Return to Love, from 1992.
Davidya’s last blog post..Quite Enough?
@Shilpan
You underestimate yourself. Without foresight and depth, your blog would not be so popular with people who live a considered life. But thanks
Hi-
We were in Hawaii recently having been medivac’d to seek extra care for my son - I say that because there is no way that Guam has a Bubba Gump Shrimp company!
Anyway we happened into the restaurant and saw all the little Forrestisms that you mention!
This one in particular I loved “There is only so much fortune that one man needs, the rest is just for showing off!”
Blessings Shilpan- your article was great!
Dr. Cason’s last blog post..At the ER
incredible movie, incredible article, I think building confidence is critical to success in any endeavour. Without confidence life is in black and white, with confidence there are millions of colors.